Roots

I sit here tonight feeling rather nostalgic. I just enjoyed a lovely anafre (bean dip) and a Salva Vida (the local brew) with Keri at La Fonda (a Juticalpa favorite, despite the fact that they are skimpy on the napkins and the service is a bit slow). I sit here listening to the local Evangelical church singing "Open The Eyes of My Heart" repeatedly in Spanish. The smell of baleadas is permeating throughout my humble home here in La Colonia thanks to my neighbor's next door; who cook delicious Honduran cuisine nightly. I hear my neighbors outside playing basketball with their children, and the neighborhood dog; Licha; is barking and playing right outside my front window. I realize; that this has become my life. My home. Soon; i'll be leaving. I cannot believe that 7 weeks from now I'll be sitting in my parent's in Rockland. It will be Summer. I will hear children outside riding bicycles; laughing. I am a person who is big on soaking up the scenery, sights and smells around me and painting a permanent picture in my mind of the time and the place that I am in. Maybe that is because I was born to be a writer. I don't know why. But right now; I am simply soaking up the love, beauty, sights, and sounds around me. I know that right now; I am experiencing a gift and a type of peace that I will undoubtedly never experience again.

I've been giving a great deal of thinking as to what leaving will be like. When I think about it; I feel like someone has thrown a wrench around my heart; squeezing the life out of it. My fondness and adoration for my friends and family here is indescribible. DonaMarina, Wendy, my students; even the coffeemakers at the Esso have become like members of extended family. When I set out on my journey here 10 months ago; it seemed like a daunting task. Now as as my final 6 weeks here await me; I cannot believe that it is almost over. I feel as though all of the things I am about to experience in the next month are surreal. I feel as though the next 6 weeks will be 6 of the hardest of my life.

It is going to be painful. I think about leaving the people who have come to mean so much to me. I wonder to myself "how will I ever board that plane on June 28th". I think the solution is heartbreaking; but simple. I must simply get up and go. When I came here in August; I was simply a seed that was planted; who slowly bloomed throughout my experiences. Now; it is time that I rip myself from the ground. I must take all of my experience that were rooted here and share them with everyone in the world that will listen. The people of Juticalpa have watered and fed my soul. I have so much to offer to this world as I move forward in life. I owe a huge part of who I am and what is important to me to these people. They are my heart. They have my heart. I know that as painful as it is for me to leave these beautiful people. this relaxed life; this amazing experience; that there is so much more that I can do for these people from the American homefront. This fact breaks my heart; because communication from the States to Honduras is going to be difficult. Half of my new friends do not know how to read or write. There is no formal mail system. How can I possibly correspond through email when half of them don't even have electricity? These questions tug at my heart on a daily basis. Still; I must go. I know that it is time. I just hope that people will be willing to listen...and I hope that my heart will be able to heal from having to leave the most amazing people and experience in my entire life. I hope that I will be able to find the same type of fulfillment as I move forward.....honestly; I worry. To say I sleep soundly at night right now would be a lie. I pray for the strength to move forward, and to follow whatever plan God has set out for me. I truly in my heart believe He put me here in Juticalpa for a reason. I just wish that leaving didn't have to be so painful.....and I wonder if I will be able to "go light my world" from this point. Where do I even start?