It's been a week since I've updated, so I feel as though it is about time as I know everyone is anxiously waiting. The reason I haven't written anything in the past week is because I have to be honest; the thought of being here for a year is starting to seem really daunting, and I didn't want to post anything with any type of negative undertone, but I feel as though I should be "real" in my writings, so here goes...
In any case, things are starting to settle down here and I am beginning to make the realization that I am actually here for an entire year with a list a million miles long of the things that I hope to get accomplished. Teaching my class on a daily basis is the most draining (both physically AND mentally) challenge I have ever taken on. I sit here at night and wonder how on earth I'm supposed to teach SUBJECTS like Math and Science to these kids when they don't even understand my directions to "sit down" or "open your books". It seems like a such a daunting task and I genuinely wonder how I am going to ever get anything done. Furthermore, I feel cranky and grouchy by mid-afternoon because most of my day is spent correcting the behavior of 25% of my class rather than actually TEACHING anything. Some of them are starting to come around, but the behavioral expectations are just NOT up to par with anything in the states. I guess I am going to just have to keep "plugging alone". I just don't like the fact that I am here to make a difference in these kid's lives and it seems like all I do is reprimand them. Still though; on a positive note they are always ready with hugs every morning. I don't know why they seem to love me so much. I surely do not love myself lately at the end of the day. The combination of the heat, lack of resources and directions, and just general cultural differences in the school system makes me not nearly as pleasant as I want to be. Maria and I find ourselves "snapping" at each other when we get home in the afternoons, and neither of us like it. To end this negative aspect of my post on a more positive note; we all decided today that we are going to sit down and try to recall one really positive thing that happened on that particular day in order to remember why we are actually here. For me today, it would have to be one of my students; Jafeth. He is the brother of a girl named Nemisis who is in the 5th grade that I absolutely adore. In any case, I met Nemisis back in April and fell in love with her, and I JUST made the connection today that Jafeth is her brother! All week long I have been talking to Annie about how he is so adorable and I want to take him home with me! Imagine my surprise today when I made the family connection :-). Anyways, Jafeth came into my class Monday morning saying "No me gusta la clase de Inglies", which obviously broke my heart as I don't want these kids to not like me or what I'm teaching! Anyways, today he came up to me on the bus and gave me a candy and said that he LOVES English class. I guess I am making some progress....baby steps! Sorry that this post had to be so negative as I don't want it to ever be that way at all...I just feel like I have an incredible challenge in front of me and I'm not sure how to even begin approaching it. Bree and I decided last night we have to take everything day by day and not focus TOO much on the future or we'll get exhausted and feel like it's hopeless. So that is what I am doing. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers though. I definitely need them.....
On to another subject: the poverty we see he on a day to day basis. Coming here in April only gave me a brief glimpse into what the situation was like in this country. Once you live here and amongst the people, you see it in much greater detail. I have neighbors with 16 kids living in a house with a tin roof. The children come knocking on my door each day asking for water, and jumping up and down excitedly if I give it to them (as though it were Christmas). This afternoon, Eric, John and I decided that we wanted the real Honduran experience. We decided to walk back to our apartments in town all the way from Santa Clara. It was about a 90 minute walk, and I later learned that the heat index was 109 degrees (thank you, weather.com!). Anyways, I have met several amazing people over the course of the past 3 weeks who walk 4-10 miles every single day back and forth to work in the heata and are just grateful to have a job. I came home drenched in sweat, tired, and overheated to the point where I passed out on my couch for 2 hours when I got home (and I am NOT an afternoon napper!). On the way home, we passed through the village on a dirt road leading to Santa Clara. Children seemed to come out of the woodwork, pulling out a large rope. The stood on the opposite ends of the street with the rope, so as to create a baracade so we could not go through without "noticing" them. (As though that would even be possible anyways!). The children came up to use begging for money. One adult man even asked us for money. The asked to take pictures with us. I gave them 20 lempira from my purse (equivalent to about 1 U.S dollar) and felt guilty that I did not give them more. I saw one of their homes on the side of the road. It was nothing more than a concrete frame with a cardboard door and windows. I thought of how hot it must be in there. I cannot imagine living among these conditions. Back at the "casa del las ninas" (what we affectionately call "the girls house") we find ourselves worried about the well running out of water, or complaining about creepy critters who find their way into our homes at night. (As a sidebar, we DID have an actual tarantula in our living room on Saturday night and I legit had a heart attack!). But compared to the people we live amongst and walk amongst on a daily basis, we are lucky. We have money to eat everyday (although it may not be the steak or sushi that we actually want), water to shower MOST days (albeit cold and we have to turn the water off and on), and our house is clean and comfortable (we even have a cleaning lady come in twice a week to tidy up and do laundry..I never even had that back in the states.) In summary, even the way we are living here in Honduras is extremely comfortable compared to the life of the people in our barrio. And our life back in the States? I can't even think of it anymore without feeling really guilty, and most importantly; more appreciative than ever.
Speaking of appreciative, we are headed on a road trip this weekend to Tegus for a little R&R. I can't wait to sink my teeth into a Burger King cheeseburger, take a HOT shower, and go to watch a movie (in English!) We may even get a room at a hotel with a T.V! A month ago, I wouldn't have ever given these simple amenities a second thought. Now, these simple pleasures seem like treats. I guess I am realizing just how lucky and privileged I have been in this life to experience these things!
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Erin... No matter how worried you are that your students are not learning anything (educationally)... just know that they will probably learn more from you than they would any Honduran teacher... or probably from all the Honduran teachers they will ever have.
As you try to teach them the basics of how school should be, they will become better at it as the school year progresses, and they will take what they learned from you, and carry that with them in every class they have in the future. Maybe even some of them will become teachers and imply what they have learned from you into their students.
Just remember that no matter how your day is going, you are teaching them something.. even if its something about another culture. I just always think about when Keith told me that one of his families had never even heard of the United States, they had only heard of Niagara.
I pray and think about you everyday. God Bless you in this experience and for helping the children and everyone else in Honduras!
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